Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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