don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Little spoons don't ask big questions
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She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize