We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
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Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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