i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize