Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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