I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
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I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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