I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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