I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
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I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
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Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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