You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
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Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
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Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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