I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize