I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
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I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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