I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize