what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
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I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
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The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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