So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
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He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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