I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
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And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i need some magic done to my vagina
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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