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Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
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