He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
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This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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