Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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