how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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