I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
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You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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