i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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