you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
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This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
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How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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