They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize