My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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