She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
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Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
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if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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