My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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