I look better un-naked...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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