I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
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I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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