Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
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He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
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Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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