I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think my moral compass just broke
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize