Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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