finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize