waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize