Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
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I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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