He uses pillows to masturbate.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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