I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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