I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
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he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
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Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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