Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
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Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
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I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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