I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
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This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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