Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize