Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
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He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
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The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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