You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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