I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
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I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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