just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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