I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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