You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
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He's a Shit stain on my heart
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
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Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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