During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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