? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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