I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
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He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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