The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
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Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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